If the Lord ain't with them, at least don't let the Devil in [ for fightlikehell ]

[juststeverogers]

It's six am when Steve gets up--makes his bed and tidies up his mostly spotless apartment. Getting up early has never been a problem for Steve and even less of one when he's got things to look forward to. The tiny fake tree is still sitting up by the window, one present underneath that never got claimed.

He waits until it's a quarter till seven before he starts the coffee, and starts rummaging through his kitchen to get what he thinks they'll need.

Breakfast and faith sound like a good way to begin the day.

Comments

[juststeverogers]

"Don't get too eager, you'll be doing this a lot when I regurgitate Verity's cooking lessons at you." Steve warns with a laugh as they make quick work out of the clean up. If Matt's going to help, Steve will go ahead and wash the dishes right away, and let Matt dry them. The work goes by quickly with both of them, so then it's coffee and study time.

The tone of the apartment shifts as they open their bibles. Steve stops laughing, and reads over Genesis carefully as he and Matt talk. Steve has never considered the Nexus to be a gift in and of itself before. The circumstances always made it seem much less so. But it is. Meeting the people he's met. Not having to be alone. Having a steady job. All are things he would have been lacking at home. The Nexus is a gift. And an opportunity to become a better person.

Even if he doesn't like how he ended up here, he can't deny that it's done him good.

And knowing that the Lord provides such gifts is comforting. Everything happens for a reason.

It isn't until they've finished reading that Steve changes the subject at all. He's very serious about the study.

"...I always took comfort in confessionals. Until...I had something I couldn't confess. You think you can tell them anything. And you almost can. But I hated keeping secrets from confessional. I know you can't hide from God, but the priests are human too. I was...afraid...of being judged."

[fightlikehell]

"You did say I'd have to learn." Though it was for more. Much more. And things go faster when there's two. Another perk of having a friend around.

Nexus is a gift. Something the way that opportunities are. You don't know what to make of them and it is indeed something that's all yours. It's been so long since Matt started from the very beginning of the book so it was refreshing to hear the words again. The copy Steve is reading is also a later print, no new language revisions. Just how Matt likes them too.

"They are human. I like to think that when you have taken a vow as serious as one for council that you hold it to the top most importance." Matt has in his way done his best to stay honest in the confessional booth. What's honest isn't exactly the real story. "Sometimes I think that the best confessions are between you and God. It's not orthodox but the most frank." Though now he must wonder, what on earth would a guy like Steve have to worry about.

[juststeverogers]

"..Yeah." Steve nods and dips his head low. "Sorry I brought up such a weird topic. I..never told anyone that before." He felt like Matt would understand. He's been understanding about everything else that's come up.

The words are a familiar reminder to Steve. Everything sounds like it did when he grew up hearing it. Matt is patient and engaging in their discussions. And to be able to talk about God without someone scoffing or getting angry....it's just liberating.

"Not like you could lie to him if you tried, anyway."

[fightlikehell]

Matt reaches with slow, steady certainty of where Steve sits to give him a pat on his thin shoulder. "I'm used to weird." So much more than the word encompasses. "Did you feel any sense of resolution after?" Never mind what it was that he needed to confess, if Steve wanted to tell him he would have.

[juststeverogers]

He can't. Not yet.

Even admitting that he's hidden things from the confessional feels like saying too much. He's a poor example of their faith. Never mind the times or the people, or anything else.

"...No. I felt ashamed. But...normally, I do. When I used to go." Will go again, if that Church Matt spoke of has such things. "This...reading the book again. Talking with someone. It feels good though. Feels like a step in the right direction."

[fightlikehell]

One step at a time like everything else. And Matt Murdock is not one at all to judge on these matters. He nods slowly.

"You know what's really kept me feeling grounded, safe," as far as matters of faith go, "is knowing that I'm still going to be forgiven no matter where you go or what you do. That's how it works. And it isn't about whether or not you feel worth it because really we're all lousy. You're entitled to every bit of penitence because you ask."

[juststeverogers]

"...Even.."Steve shuts his mouth and nods. It seems like he might have been going to voice an argument, and indeed his expression looks to be that way too, but he thinks better of it and sighs instead.

"This." He speaks up finally, fingers tapping against the worn cover of the Murdock family bible. "This feels good. To be looking over, again. I'm so glad you let me borrow this." No one's perfect and everyone is lousy. Steve doesn't know if he believes that really. But certainly everyone has secrets. Everyone makes mistakes. He has to learn to be a better man for them rather than being held and defined by them.

"Did you want to show me where you're staying, and the church you found? Or another time perhaps?"

[fightlikehell]

He's welcome to voice whatever he likes. This is a safe, welcoming environment. Or at least one that Matt is trying to cultivate. Something they both can find solace and strength in while a world around them just does not believe. "It does feel good," he smiles and listens as Steve touches over the worn leather. At least three generations of Murdock have owned that bible. Surely they'll approve of it being loaned out. "I know you'll take good care of it in the mean time." And what good is a book that can't be read?

"Yeah. Let's take our show on the road. I mean, if you're good for it." Meaning that Steve's condition is not something that Matt doubts. He gets winded now and again, right now he's got no gauge for it than to ask. It's what Foggy would do.

[juststeverogers]

Trust isn't really the issue here. Steve sounds unsure, his heartbeat elevated and nervous. It's a personal hurdle, one he's still struggling with apparently. He sounded as though he earnestly wanted to say something though. Even little Steve has skeletons in his closet that take more than an idle shake to dislodge.

"Absolutely." This is said with complete honesty and seems to calm him down immensely. "I promise." To be trusted with this book on loan means a lot to him. Steve shifts on the couch and gets to his feet, and there's the distinct soft sound of the Murdock Bible being placed on a shelf nearby. "Definitely. I'll carry everything. Just give me a moment." Everything in this case means the replicated bridge and the cds Steve tested, so it's not as though this is going to be a heavy load. He's swift to gather them once he's in his big poofy swish swish coat and gloves.

"Ready!"

[fightlikehell]

That heartbeat deserves to be steady, calmed and so whatever he's grappling with, Matt hopes with all that's in him that he can help Steve win. One step at a time. And you cannot press these things. God knows that there are plenty of things that Steve should know about Matt in due time.

"Sure, of course." Matt stands up and has a coat to put on and a cane to find. "Away we go?" Out into the cold. He goes first to prop open the door and make way for the other man and anything he may need help with.

[juststeverogers]

With the Nexus the way it is, most days Steve would swear at the cold and regret getting out of his nice warm bed. But with a friend in tow everything is loads better. So long as they go at a sedate pace, Steve can even hold conversation without too much trouble.

"So Verity's personal trainer is a bounty hunter from space. I don't know much about her other than she's really tall, really strong, and very intimidating. But she took me on as a student too. So far it hasn't been much physical. Hand-eye coordination stuff. Fine motor control. Stuff that seems kind of piddly until she explains what good it does. I got a real star pool cue for Christmas from her, so I've been learning how to play pool. The yoga thing isn't nearly as weird as it sounds, either. I think I like it."

[fightlikehell]

Steve needs to give himself more credit than that These days are exceedingly cold. And Matt is from New York too though he has more meat on his bones and a less delicate health. It's enough to make anyone want to stay indoors. Matt will be sure they keep an even pace.

"We'll head to my place, rest then I'll show you the church." And he literally means rest. The guy is carrying his art. It wouldn't make sense any other way. "I have met her. And the idea of getting another perspective on fitness would be helpful for anyone." Meaning himself ahem. "Yoga sounds very weird at first, doesn't it? I picked it up in college. Really a stress relief."

[juststeverogers]

"It does not help that I totally thought people were talking about yogurt mats and that was not a pleasant image." Steve makes a yech face and yes, there is a sound to go with that.

"I know a guy who I think would be real good at the game, so I might ask him for some pointers once I'm a little more confident in my abilities." Steve chuckles slightly to himself. "Yeah don't make her mad. I have." Steve did. Tiny Steve who Samus could snap in half? Sure did. "It was not my smartest moment."

[fightlikehell]

"Yogurt!" He snorts and bounces his cane in place a second just imagining for the both of them. The yech face is entirely implied anyway. "That... I can only imagine what kind of weirdos would be into that."

"You gotta practice to get better. How else are you supposed to improve? I could come along for company." A chance to get out and listen to the comfort of bar sounds. Does Nexus have a charming dump like Josie's?

Don't make Samus mad. That is jotted down in his brain. "What did you do to tick her off?"

[juststeverogers]

"You'd be welcome to. I usually go to a place Nana recommended to me, get a beer and try to get a game or two in. I haven't been able to beat anyone yet, but I'm getting better." Nothing will have quite the same kind of charm as Hell's Kitchen's little dive like Josie's, but they can get close.

"Oh! That reminds me. Have you been to Nana's diner yet? I forget if I showed it to you. It's honestly where I ate most of my meals before I started cooking lessons with Verity. She gave me the coffee machine I'm using, even."

"Oh, uhm." Steve sucks in a deep breath. "I don't agree with some of her lessons on leadership or military strategy. And I got real mad when she antagonized me over a point we were arguin' about and started hollerin' at her. I know she was testing me an' I failed, but my temper's always been a problem and the point we were fighting over was real close to home for me. I'm surprised she didn't swing me through a building, but at the time I would have swung back, mistake or no."

[fightlikehell]

"You could beat me." And Matt would give it an honest try. A few times he played pool and meant it ended up to be reasonably, suspiciously successful for a blind man. He's no professional by any stretch.

"Oh... with the pancakes right?" If he's not mistaken. "I've been there a time or two. Eating almost every meal there wouldn't be bad on anything but the waistline. " Such good, hearty home cooking. Matt's full right now but it's enough to get into his head to step in again.

He listens. That sounds a lot like Samus or what he can glean from what he's talked with her about. She is very levelheaded which means that when she's not it is a significant difference. "Some things you just... you're sensitive about. And being angry, well, it happens. You're more than entitled to it," says a man with his own temper issues.

[juststeverogers]

"Don't be so sure until you've played me. I'm not very good yet." Steve laughs, but it's at his own joke, rather than Matt's comment. If the other has figured out howto play pool in his condition, Steve isn't about to doubt it.

"She tried, believe me." Steve shakes his head. "Doesn't seem to have worked though. I only look like it has because the coat's really poofy." Pat pat goes the poofy coat as Steve taps his flat tummy through the layers.

"I told her I'd take the dive on the grenade for my squad. She said it was bad leadership. That I shouldn't have let there be one in the first place. Or something stupid like that. I forget what the exact details were. But she doesn't believe in self sacrifice, and I don't believe a leader is any better than his team. We went back and forth a bit, until she called it a waste. That's when I lost my head." Steve doesn't sound too terribly torn up over it looking back on it. He's had time to study more. And while his stance hasn't changed, he does see the reason one would never want to be put in that position in the first place.

He's just realistic. Sometimes, there isn't an out.

[fightlikehell]

Matt reaches for Steve and it takes only a moment to find him to give his shoulder a squeeze and a very light shove. "A tie then?" Between the blind and the newbie.

"I dunno if I'd bulk up or not, to be honest. I've kind of been a bottomless pit." Especially with training. "Then again, I would never stop anyone from trying."

Leadership, teamwork... elements of working in a single group with a goal in mind. He has no military background or interest but it sounds like Steve has an ingrained passion. "If it means something, I don't think it's ever a waste," he says softly. Steve isn't sharing this for validation. "It's a bit much to say that anyone would be in control of the elements so much as to prevent the grenade." They'll be there no matter what in a war. Matt sighs and shakes his head.

"Arguments sometimes bring people closer together after. You still respect Samus to work with her."

[juststeverogers]

"Oi! Watch it Murdock." Steve laughs and leans into the other, pushing him very slightly with all ninety pounds of him. "If I dump your bridge in a snowbank I'm pushing you in to go after it." He's already looking forward to taking Matt there sometime. It'll be a fun adventure. He needs this. Being able to joke around again.

The conversation turns more serious again, but Steve is determined to keep the good mood he has going on right now, so he shrugs and makes a point to accompany it with a 'who knows' kind of sound.

"She gave me the pool cue for Christmas despite the fight, and it wasn't by breaking it over my head. Plus she's still training me. I'd say we're doin' alright."

[fightlikehell]

This should be foreboding, he's still laughing. "Okay, okay... I don't have any plans to jump off, on or around the bridge. This one or the real one." Easy going with laughs and good talks. There is nothing like this.

Matt's laughter calms. "I'm glad to hear that. You both seem like good people. And sometimes good people aren't meant to get along all the time. Just how it works. ...I have to remind myself of that."

Because the biggest fight of his life so far was not with any of the kooks in Hell's Kitchen yet but with Foggy. "Were there apologies? For the escalation, not the opinion."

[juststeverogers]

"I apologized. I don't remember if she did. I don't think it matters." In the end, she's still teaching him, and he's still hoping to learn more. That's really all that matters.

Fighting with your best friend in the world is a miserable thing, but sometimes it happens. Steve's been there, and he still wouldn't have anyone else by his side before Bucky. Fighting or no, they've got each other's backs. Till the end of the line. It'd be easier for Steve to remind hismelf of that if he wasn't busy being upset over the fact that bucky isn't here. Or if he is he's avoiding Steve and also became someone's torture puppet. Wow this depressing line of thought again.

"Like I'm gonna get arrested for pushing the blind guy off an actual bridge. I can't go to prison, Murdock, they'd kill me."

[fightlikehell]

They still get along from the sound of it. If Samus really took offense, if Steve truly took offense they wouldn't even be bothering. "You're a good man Steve Rogers." It took everything in Matt to not say Charlie Brown. The save is worth the dodged pop culture segway. But maybe it would be worth showing Steve a classic comic book every man to relate to.

True friends have your back no matter what. Foggy to Matt, Matt to Foggy. And here he decides that he'll be there for Steve. Eventually he'll get that whole story. Eventually.

"I gotta prove you pushed me and that I didn't give you a reason. That's how court works." Matt snickers. "Call it self defense."

[juststeverogers]

"If there's one thing my looks have an advantage for, it's that no one believes I start anything." Steve laughs, and while it's sincere it's also a little bit proud. "If only they knew how bad my Brooklyn street boy temper is."

They'll both get the whole story. That's what friends do.

"Young man" Steve starts in his best impression of an old curmudgeonly judge "Your victim can't be your defense attorney also."

[fightlikehell]

"Mr. Steve Rogers are you telling me that you have a penchant for starting shit?" The surprise in his voice is absolutely phony. Matt hasn't seen the spitfire quality or fury that he was describing but it's plain to see that he is a man of passion. And that can't be encased by any body type. It's the New Yorker, the American the... good guy quality.

Matt laughs and shakes his head. "Talk about a conflict of interests."

[juststeverogers]

"I don't put up with bullying." Is Steve's flippant reply. Yes, yes he does. You have no idea Matt. "Now whether I get to finish shit or not....That's another story."

Steve's been beaten up more times than he can count. Part of that may be one of the couple concussions he's gotten from said fights.

"Right?" He coughs a few times as the cold starts to get to him before he clears his throat again. "Agh. I cannot wait until winter is over, man."