Checking in (set after Halloween event)

[juststeverogers]

In the aftermath of the Nightmare incident in the Nexus, Steve knew the most important thing in the immediate was making sure people were okay. Hell, he'd spent most of his time tending to Amelia's wounds such that by the time he was finished most of the cafe had cleared out. He's glad the rogue got the care she needed but he hasn't seen her since.

In fact, he's not seen most of them since. He waited a bit to see if he'd spot familiar faces in the Nexus, but with things quiet he takes matters into his own hands and sends out a message to several of his friends.

Hey, it's Steve.

I know you were involved in the mess during the Halloween party and I really want to make sure you're alright. I'm sorry I haven't reached out sooner. I wanted to make sure you got the time and care you needed after everything that happened. The coordinates to my apartment are listed at the end of this message.

Please let me know you're okay.

Comments

[juststeverogers]

Steve knows Amelia, which is why he's not at all surprised to see her clipped and dismissive text when he gets back from his morning jog with Sarah. By the time he's had a shower and fixed himself a healthy breakfast she's texted him again. This time Steve smiles faintly when he replies.

He knows Amelia's trying, and any agreement to meet is not something to scoff at or take lightly.

I do indeed. Would you like me to meet you somewhere, or would you rather come here and speak privately?

[rogueinladysclothing]

By the time Steve's replied, Amelia's run several errands and is heading back to the inn to put a new set of books, notebooks, and fresh herbs away in their proper places. The lady has too much energy for someone who doesn't sleep much these days. And by now, she's had her fill of being seen and acknowledged for the day.

I'll come to you. Let me know when you're ready - I'll bring a fresh bag of beans for our coffee.

And some pastries of sorts to pick at so she can make it seem like she's still eating as much as she should.

[juststeverogers]

I'll be done with my morning jog and cleanup after by 8am tomorrow. Meet up for breakfast and coffee?

It'll give Amelia time to ready herself for social interactions and it'll give Steve a day to head out and get some of that tea Amelia likes as well as do a bit of tidying up around his place. Steve keeps the apartment quite clean already but with three pokemon in the place it does need constant upkeep.

[rogueinladysclothing]

I'll bring both. See you at 8:01.

True to her word, Amelia arrives at Steve's door promptly at 8:01 AM the following morning. Over one arm is a small basket containing a bag of freshly roasted coffee beans, a few pastries from her favorite coffee shop, and various fresh fruits. It's not a large breakfast and could certainly do with some supplementing, but this is about as good as it gets for the rogue these days. Eating is difficult when your stomach is always in knots.

When Steve opens the door to her after a knock, she offers him a small smile. It's not at all sincere, but she's trying. Even since he last saw her it's obvious that she's lost weight from her poor eating habits and gained a bit of color in her face from so much time out and about in the Nexus.

"Good morning. I brought coffee and both savory and sweet pastries to share. And some fruit, if you'd rather something healthy." She takes a breath, needing the extra moment to ground herself before what's certain to be a difficult time for her as she tries to hold in all of her feelings. "May I come in?"

[juststeverogers]

"Of course." Steve still smells fresh out of the shower, his own cheeks still pink from the steam and hot water. He moves out of the way to let Amelia in. It's early enough that Ethel is still curled up on her bed underneath the window though Sarah comes into the entrance hallway to give Amelia a good sniff before butting her leg gently with her head in way of greeting and giving one soft 'Row!'

"Bucky's up in his rooftop roost right now so it's just us here." Steve knows the Braviary can be a bit intimidating because of it's size. Bucky came with for the jog so he should be good for a while at least. "I also have a kettle plugged in if you'd prefer tea. I picked up one of your preferred blends while I was out yesterday."

[rogueinladysclothing]

She smiles lightly down at Sarah, glad to know their first meeting is going so well. "Good morning to you, too," she says with a small laugh. "It's nice to finally meet you. I've heard a lot about you from Adia." And seen her from afar a few times, but that doesn't count. Amelia gives Sarah a few gentle pets on the head, if allowed, then steps further in so Steve can shut the door.

"That's all right. If he feels comfortable seeing me later, I'm sure he'll come down. We've never had trouble between us." The two of them have a neutral relationship, but the Braviary knows Amelia won't hurt Adia, so that'll apply forward to Steve, right?

Offering Steve the basket so she can remove her light cloak, her hands pausing when he mentions the tea. He does seem to always know what she needs, doesn't he? Her cheeks flush a light pink as she turns away to hang the cloak on a hook by the door. He can't see her tearing up over something like this. "Thank you. Coffee... coffee will be fine for now." A breath, and she turns to face him, her smile a little more sincere this time. "If I'm here long enough, though, I'd love some tea."

[juststeverogers]

She is most definitely allowed. Sarah feels warm to the touch, like a chair left in a sunbeam for a period of time.

"Make yourself at home." Steve sets her basket down on the counter in the tiny kitchenette and scoots the kettle out of the way for now if it's not going to be used. He's got a coffee grinder here somewhere in one of his cupboards. "I'll get the coffee started, and food served up."

One of the things different about Steve now is that he eats a lot. Has to to keep up with his metabolism and training regimen. The food she's brought won't go to waste even if it's not all eaten between the two of them right now.

[rogueinladysclothing]

Sarah's going to get a lot of pets if this keeps up. The sensation of petting her fur is warm and calming, and that's definitely something Amelia needs more of these days.

She nods when he invites her to get comfortable, but doesn't remove her boots as might be expected. She does take off her gloves and tuck them into one of her pouches as she follows him toward the little kitchenette, though. If she feels the need to run, she wants to be able to do it without leaving all of her things behind.

"How have you been?" she asks, settling into a chair at the table. "Has everything been all right since you found your way back to the Nexus?"

Why, yes, she is going to take the initiative to avoid the subject of the Nightmare. That shouldn't be too surprising, given the precedent she has for avoiding pretty much every difficult subject ever around him.

[juststeverogers]

Sitting at the table means that Sarah can't jump into her lap, but she settles for curling up next to Amelia's chair. Her tail gives a few cursory wags every time Amelia looks at her.

"I've been keeping busy. Things are as hectic here as they ever were." It grinds at Steve that he was still useless to help those stuck in the Nightmare, even with his new body. Amelia could have been killed, so many of his friends could have. He plates up the food and sets it down in front of her. The coffee takes a few minutes to brew.

"How're you holding up?"

[rogueinladysclothing]

Every time Sarah perks her head up, she's getting pets if Amelia has a free hand. This reminds her of the few cats she's met during her time in the Nexus and the way they seemed to love nuzzling into her hand. And the way they always seemed to know she was a sullen person in need of cheering up.

Her lips twitch into a wry smirk for a moment before she turns her gaze fully to Sarah again. "The Nexus has a habit of doing that. Everything will seem to calm down for a bit, and then..." She shrugs, frowning as she strokes Sarah's soft, warm fur. Steve knows what she means. "It's certainly never boring," she adds as an afterthought.

Oh that question. She wasn't expecting it so quickly. "I'm fine." Liar. "Taking things one day at a time." ...truth, but hardly a real answer. "Keeping busy with research, mostly, with some weapons practice thrown in from time to time." By which she means several times a day, usually.

She finally looks up a moment later and picks up one of the filled danishes, picking at it a little to make some effort to eat. It also keeps her from having to meet his gaze. "Just need time for this to pass. I'll be better when this is fully behind me."

[juststeverogers]

"You can always come train with me. I'm jogging, sparring, and practicing all the time, these days. And that's before you count training the pokemon here." Steve gestures to Sarah with his free hand, but his other's occupied with grabbing a couple of those pastries. He's a bit embarrassed about his new appetite but it can't be helped, so he's going to start eating.

It keeps his mouth occupied when Amelia starts pulling her 'everything is fine don't talk about me' act. Leaves him with only the option to scowl at her, but she's not looking at him so it's largely ineffective.

"It is behind you. It's over. Your injuries have healed. It's time to look forward again. To the new year."

[rogueinladysclothing]

"I'm sure you wouldn't want me slowing you down," she says quickly. Steve likely means it as a genuine offer, but with her mind in the place it is, it's hard not to be suspicious. If they train together, he'll be able to keep an eye on her, see how she's not taking care of herself properly, notice the fatigue she always carries that much more. "Besides, I don't think my hand-to-hand skills are nearly good enough to handle someone with your strength."

Dodge, weave, redirect. Fighting her way out of a situation is so natural she does it without thinking these days.

She pops a bit of danish into her mouth to keep herself from speaking for a minute. If she speaks too quickly, she's certain she'll cry and spill everything she's thinking and feeling, and that is the last thing she wants right now. Her eyes flick up to him for a moment, see the disappointment in his face, and then it's right back to looking at the pastry she's destroying rather than eating.

"It keeps trying to come back," she counters with a sigh. "People bring it up all the time, asking if I'm all right and if I've healed and offering condolences. I don't want any of it, but they won't let it be." She sighs again, and frowns down at Sarah so she's not staring at a pastry she has no appetite for. "I'm fine. I'll be fine. I'm alive - what more is necessary?"

[juststeverogers]

"They ask because they care, Amelia. It doesn't mean it's any less over. You can't just hide away and pretend nothing ever happened."

He's seen her do this before. Steve wishes he knew how to help her better, but all he can do is keep spending time with her. Even Tony Stark is better at accepting help than Amelia is. And that's frustrating. But if he gets mad at her, she'll only run away all the harder.

"You're stronger than this."

[rogueinladysclothing]

She whips her head up to glare at him. "Then let me do this my way. If you think I'm so strong, then you should also trust me to make it through this."

Coming here was a mistake. Her chest is tightening in anticipation of running - or is it from the lump forming in her throat? No. No. It's not that. She's fine. She's strong, Steve said so himself. She can do this all on her own. No one needs to give her a hand to pull through it.

"I've survived plenty in my life. This... nightmare... it's simply another to add to the list. If I survived closing off my world, then I can survive something that wasn't real."

Dreams, please let everything that happened in the first part of the Nightmare be smoke and illusions. Her heart couldn't handle losing her world and having them forget about her. She gave them everything she could before she left - how could they just... forget her?

[juststeverogers]

"You're not making any sense, Amelia. When I found you you were begging for me to recognize you and now you want to be left alone? Wasn't that your nightmare? Being forgotten and alone? Why are you doing that to yourself now?"

Steve doesn't raise his voice. He's worried about her but knows that getting into a fight or an argument will end badly for the both of them. Steve doesn't want to hurt her. He just wishes she wasn't quite so good at hurting herself.

[rogueinladysclothing]

"You don't know what I saw!" In contrast to Steve's cool tone, Amelia's temper and fear have her voice rising. "You can't know. You can't possibly understand! Don't coddle me, Steve Rogers. I don't want your pity and I don't want you to act like you know what's best for me. You remember me and you've shown me that. That's all I want from you."

It's always been her way to fight. She knows better than to do it and has outgrown some of the tendencies. But the Nightmare has thrown everything into chaos. She's lost her way, and rather than asking for help or accepting it when it's offered, she rejects it. There's no need for her to start from the beginning, but her stubborn nature tells her it's the only way.

"I'm fine," she says tersely, dropping the danish completely and crossing her arms in front of her chest. "I don't need help - yours or anyone else's."

[juststeverogers]

"Is that what you think this is? Pity? I think you're doing plenty of that on your own. You always do this. You freak out and internalize everything until it bubbles over and you can't stand it anymore and end up barricading yourself in your room convinced anything and everything is out to get you."

Steve looks down at his food and sighs. Pushes it aside. He's not really in the mood to eat all of a sudden.

"You have to learn how to cope, Amelia. I can't stand seeing you do this to yourself."

[rogueinladysclothing]

Amelia positively bristles at the accusation. She slams her hands down on the table and glares even harder at Steve as she pushes herself to her feet. "That was completely different! I'd been cursed - I had no control over my emotions!" It doesn't make it better, but it's an excuse she needs right now. That was enough trouble to unwind and work through without it being dragged back into the light.

She can see the disappointment in his face. It stings. More than being forgotten by this man, the rogue hates that she's disappointed her friend. Again.

"What else am I supposed to do?" she demands, her voice lowered but no less angry. Her hands are shaking and there are tears in her eyes, but she's managing to breathe through them - for now, at least. "I don't have anyone but myself. I have to do this on my own. There's no one else anymore." Her gaze drops to her hands and she shakes her head. "And they wouldn't come even if I called. They never would."

[juststeverogers]

"No one but yourself huh."

Steve shakes his head then and gets up from his seat. It's a dig under his skin that pushes at his temper. He knows what she means. Of course he does. But she's always doing this and damn if it doesn't piss Steve Rogers off. He doesn't help her for recognition or praise or anydamn thing like that. He does it because she's his friend.

Apparently, he's the only one who thinks so when the chips are on the table.

What's worse is that there's nothing he can say that won't push her into fighting, or much more likely, running away. The apartment door opens and Steve Rogers walks out.

He won't fight Amelia. But he might have to take a walk to cool off in order to not do it.

[rogueinladysclothing]

...how did it end up that Steve was the one leaving after all of this?

For a full minute after he leaves, all Amelia can do is stare at the chair he'd been sitting in. She shakes as the anger and fear and self-loathing wash over her, and all she can think is how stupid she is, how she deserves this.

And how much she doesn't want it.

Angry, at herself, at this whole situation, at making her closest friend so upset as to walk out on her, she grabs the chair she'd been sitting on and raises it high into the air. She screams in frustration and rage, but she can't break it like she wants to. This isn't her place. These aren't her things. Steve deserves better than her anger and violence, because he gives a damn, even if she can't accept his compassion right now. She sighs, slowly sets the chair down, and frowns at Sarah.

"Sorry. I hope he comes back soon."

It's been long enough now that Amelia can walk out without immediately running into Steve when she makes it down to the street. She needs to not see him right now, because she owes him an apology she doesn't have the words for. He deserves for her to mean it, and that isn't going to happen when she's this worked up.

Hopefully he'll want to hear it when she's ready.